Serenity

Pumpkin spice latte. Serenity. A cool breeze. Serenity.Getting my thoughts down for others to read, a little serenity.
I'm clear and clean. In more ways than I can even tell you. There is a crazy  world out there that is not only scary, but amazing and beautiful. I started to have no hope in life in general. The way I was living, vodka or not, meant that I should have no reason to live in peace. Fear and fear only. You fear everything, you will truly lead a healthy lifestyle, you will constantly live in a state of doom. When you get there, you are truly where you need to be. You are officially saved.
I am kind of like a kid in a candy store now. Truly able to see what I can accomplish in this big wide world. Anything is at my hand. I can do anything. People have always told me I had something special about me. Whether it was the way I love, or the way I am loved. I have always known there was something there too, Somehow along that road I stopped loving and living. Maybe I got to the peak of what I was capable of in my remote world, or I knew that the peak was coming up so I turned around.Now I look up the mountain though and I see that not only do I have a long way to go, but I have the power to keep going.
I am in Tempe and all the sudden I feel like I could do a million things. Go back to school, become a mentor, become a upstanding citizen.  Uh that is highly overated. I could just be me too. Right now I am lost, my identity is lost. It started going as soon as I started being the best me to everyone else, instead of being the best me to me. I guess I was praising the false idols of acceptance. I gave them a lot of praise. Too much for my liking. Life is simple but we like to make it compicated. As soon as it gets complicated we give up.