Tommorow is the big day, well one of them

I still am having trouble with this writing thing. The whole write it down and actually deal with it. The possibility that my extended family could read it and prove their point is even harder. What point that is I don't understand. People make mistakes. Lots of them.
I am having a really really difficult reaching certain feelings right now. I am dealing with the technical death of 90% of the people in my life. People I thought knew and loved me through everything. Through the good and the bad. I have learned very quickly that this is not the truth. My family has a one strike your out rule. I guess strike three hit and I was no where near a home run. My own parents have given up on me. I could never, and I mean NEVER turn my back on my children. My kids could have a gun to my head, asking for money for food, and I would ask to bake them a cake. I wouldn't praise what they were doing, but I would recognize that they are hurting. They would not be doing something to intentionally hurt someone else unless they were hurting themselves. I don't believe in tough love. Why kick someone when they are down?  Someone gets to a place of self-deterioration and it isn't usually because they didn't make it for a hair appointment and were upset.
There are some details about certain things that I can't write on here. For legal and privacy issues so early in this stage. But I can tell you that my parents are basically trying to kid nap my children from me, for life. I am a great mother, I know that. I just hit a very large speedbump.But the thing is, it is just a speed bump. After you get over it you are back into normal life. Working with AA, I know that I will make it through some of the horrific things that are about to happen.
Tommorow is my first court date for my DUI.. I pray that it goes well.
I have never realized that my higher power wants to help you and make things better, he doesn't want to punish you. That is a completely different feeling for me. That my past is my past. My future is my ability to prove that I am able to change the person from my past. They say past predicts future. The good things I have done can predict my future, my shortcomings don't have to. Crazy huh? I had a "blip" in my timeline, but that is not who I am. I made a mistake, I am not a mistake. I don't have to prove that to everyone and anything, I can just be myself and make good choices and by doing that I have proven it to myself.